WANT TO MAKE MONEY ONLINE?TRY CASH CRATE.
There are numerous ways of making money on the net.If one has access to internet connection,you can be overwhelmed at the huge potential you bear on your keypad.One way to make money is to join crash crate where you get paid to conduct online surveys,you write review for products and many other tasks.In order to earn a good amount,one has t patieont.The pay can be enough to pay bills and conduct personal expenses.So you college hustler with a passion for writing and free internet connection on your computer lab,what are you waiting for? This service is user-friendly with easy to use tools so one cant complain that it is only restricted to computer programmers or geeks
BATTLE OF THE TITANS
Social media is increasingly becoming an important part of our social life with numerous social networks being unveiled on a regular basis.Google plus is the latest competitor in this race with impressive results.A recent survey into the social networks in Africa revealed that South Africa tops the table in the number of tweets per day followed by Kenya.As new brands hit the market,consumers are confronted with the task of choosing the social media of their preference.User interface and products of these platforms are the factors that will determine the number of active users on a social network.So which one of these networks do you,my reader frequently use?
VARSITY POLITICS
SONU elections is one of the most contested and competitive student organization elections in the history of public universities in Kenya.This is justified by the fact that every student of the university is automatically a member of the union.With over 10,000 comrades,the power and influence of this union cannot be underestimated.The aspirants know this well enough and this being an electioneering month, most of them began as early as last year to throw their hats into the ring.Campus is a beehive of political activity as the aspirants sell their policies to liquor-hungry comrades.The aspirants are acquainted to this fact since one of the major requirements of ‘eating into a comrade’s busy schedule’ is either buying him liquor or giving him supper(they call it listening allowance).These aspirants are also confronted with the task of bribing goons to let them speak since these are people who care about nothing and anything.Most of them are drug addicts who smoke like a train,drink life a fish,don’t care about classes(the lecturers are terrified of them anyway) and are always intoxicated.For us hustlers and Steve Jobs wannabes,this is the most appropriate time to get free meals from this people since the next time they will be seen in campus by the average student is the next electioneering period when they will need us again.
P.S:I am urging students to think critically and analyze these ‘Vultures’ before casting their votes since the decisions they make now will inevitably affect their futures.Let us not be bought by cheap liquor-surely we are worth more than that.
OF HANGOVERS AND SLEEPOVERS.
| Image from here |
So the exams are finally over(except for the school of medicine) and students are fired up that you can almost feel the scent of adrenaline in the air.Four things are rife now that everybody is in a party mood:sex,partying,drinking and hangovers.The evidence lay scattered everywhere from broken beer bottles to used condoms littering the compound.To celebrate the end of the torturous and unforgiving exam week,my peeps and I took it to the club quite literally last Friday.Meet the cast:
Tom-a high school buddy who has the ability to sense the smell of alcohol from two metres away.This guy can track a bottle of whisky in a similar manner a German shepherd dog would track a pellet of cocaine.
Andy-a proffesional drinker who has numerously participated in tequila drinking competitions and emerged tops.If they were to award medals for drinking,his medal cabinet would make Arsene Wenger jealous.
Me-an amateur drinker who can get intoxicated even with the mere waft of alcohol.I have had a previous stint with alcohol but that’s just it,our relation has never been an intimate one.I once experimented with alcohol in high school and vowed never to try again.Half a bottle of beer was enough to make me haul insults at the principal and dare him to a fist fight.This stunt earned me a letter of suspension plus a terrible hangover as a bonus
| Image from here |
After having one too many(or rather half too few for me since two bottles of beer was just what i needed to get so intoxicated),I started my drinking stunts hauling insults at passers by and throwing up everywhere.This was a huge insult at the drinking prowess of my buddies and they decided to “teach” me a lesson by leaving me at Moi Avenue.They had not even began drinking yet here I was murmuring inaudible words and performing all crazy stunts.I don’t know what happened next or how it happened but I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache in the ladies hostel with a nude chick by my side.
RAUNCHY SWIMMING ESCAPADES.
Whoever coined the phrase, in every market there must be a mad man, must have been a swimming athlete since this expression makes so much sense to me every time I visit the university swimming pool.There are three categories of people you would surely meet at the pool.
1.The swimming guru.
They are the Michael Phelps and the Jason Dunfords of Chiromo.They are always the first to sign in and the last to sign out of the swimming pool.They perform crazy swimming stunts effortlessly with so much ease and they often get the ladies going “wow!!” due to their bulging biceps and athletic bodies.They often register into the pool armed with “the right” swimming paraphenalia complete with the swimming goggles unlike the amatures who swim with tattered boxers.Dont dare these guys to a swimming duel or even swim close to them since you run the risk of drowning or gulping numerous litres of the chlorified water.
2.The idler.
He spends the whole day either gambling at the pool table or ogling at the female anatomy on the terraces by the pool.You never see him in class and you have no idea what time he sleeps since you leave him at the pool table at midnight still gambling.If ladies were to swim in concealing clothes like trousers and t-shirts,then this guy would graduate without visiting the pool let alone know its geographical location in the compound.He doesn’t know anything about swimming-apart from the fact that you submerge yourself into the water and flap your locomotory structures-but is always the first to offer a helping hand to a female amature swimmer with the sole motive of touching her body and momentarily releaving his lust.More than once,his member would betray him and double in size and you will spot him running like a possesed psycopath then shooting himself into the pool in an attempt to”confuse”his brain and consequently his third leg.Ladies dont be surprised if you find this guy peeping in the ladies changing room
3.The adventurous freak.
Mr.playboy is his middle name and he is not hesitant to experiment with anything.He checks in hand in hand with his girlfriend,undresses on the pool deck and throws himself into the water.His girlfriend or sexmate(it doesn’t make much difference to them)follows him and they kiss,careress and perform the act right there in the pool.He is always so discrete and “proffesional” at this that it is always next to impossible to smell the coffee.
4.Miss chokoza. Her body is like an exquisite work of art and in the kinky costume,she looks like an enigmatic gem of beauty.She knows this and flaunts her body everywhere in the pool raising eyebrows and causing unnecessary anciety from the guys.Her sole aim in the pool is not to swim(she doesn’t know how),yet you can never miss her in the pool going by her conspicous body and untamable ego.Catch her in her element drenched in water while cat- walking amid whistles and cat calls from the mesmerized guys.
MEAN MACHINE THRASH NAKURU IN WEEKEND DERBY
| Mean Machine players |
Nairobi University’s Mean Machine thrashed Nakuru RFC 23-20 in an action packed weekend derby at Nairobi University’s main campus grounds.It was a fun filled weekend with all the rugby fans and fanatics thronging the venue.Mean Machine has been at the bottom of the table with just 4 points and this win should be a turning point for a winning streak.This is the second win to Mean Machine in the 2011/2012 season and it goes without saying that they should tighten their boots and polish their guns for better performance in the Kenya Cup series.
This was a tight match and no one could be able to predict the outcome since Nakuru beat Quins 13-0 in their previous fixture.Mean Machine players showed impressive skills with Cedric Odera scoring two trys for machine.
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| Nakuru RFC logo |
It was an enigmatic weekend in the rugby fraternity with the big names loosing their games top guns tumble as chasing pack triumph in kenya cup.For Comrades (term in campus referring to university students),this was a gem opportunity to socialize with the damsels and drink in the afternoon sun(going by the litres of liquor which were present at the venue).
THE PARANOIA EFFECTS OF FEMALE BEAUTY
| Sanaipei Tande |
The male brain is an interesting part of the human body.Their sexual psychology is far much different from those of the female species.Men are typically visual beings who can ogle at a woman’s anatomy with so much curiosity and imagination.It is therefore not an exotic spectacle if you spot a man staring at the backside of a woman in a busy street with the oblivious fact that he might be run over by a vehicle.Having a beautiful woman by your side is therefore the greatest thrill a campusarian can ever have since all your buddies will congratulate you and therefore inflate your fragile ego.
More often than once,we hear stories of stalkers who go to extreme heights at tracing female celebrities.These people are often charmed by the rare beauty of these celebrities and can ski down Mt.Kenya nude,with a thong on their heads if asked just to date them.These extreme behaviour is not normally forgiven by the law and these psychopaths often end up behind bars(these laws should be amended since these people are paranoid and deserve the services of a psychiatrist and not that of a hangman)
A case in point is that of Richard Franco a 28 year old who will spend about half a year in prison for being “caught in the act” of stalking Halle Berry.Franco has been found guilty of breaking into Halle Berry’s home on July 9th,10th and 11th 2011.
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| Halle Berry |
Franco was spotted on two different occasions(on 9th and 10th)by Halle Berry herself.On ninth,he was spotted on the backyard of Halle Berry’s compound and ran away after being shouted at by Berry’s manager.On 10th,he was found by the glass kitchen door as reported by Berry.
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| Richard Franco in court |
He was then arrested on July the 11th when he came back again and has been under custody at the Los Angeles county jail ever since.He was also ordered to stay 200 yards away from the actor for the next 10 years and put under psychological counselling.
  
“I was not a big drug person. I couldn’t smoke pot because it made me so paranoid that I couldn’t tell if I had to pee or I was really cold, so I just didn’t enjoy it.” |
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A FRESHER’S WORST NIGHTMARE
So here I was on a line with over 500 strange faces with all kinds of mannerisms,dressing styles and (in)sanity.I had been lining all day and I was beginning to loose track of my patience since I have not always been that good at keeping it.Our business at Chiromo was done(At least for the day) and the next stop was at S.W.A offices to receive our keys-another hell on earth.I was sure I was gonna have a nervous breakdown and I suddenly felt the urge that i needed a something strong to teargas and cool down my nerves before they could start chanting “Haki Yetu!!!Haki Yetu!!!”
The sight of our hostels didn’t make it any better:halls of timber otherwise branded as prefabs were going to be our modes of accommodation for the first academic year.Seeing these makeshift houses reminded me of our old,beaten up granary at home.Living in these houses were the worst nightmare for a fresher.After what seemed like forever,I finally received my room key.The agenda on my mind right away was to dump my suitcase in these wooden,beaten up excuse of hostels and go back to Kibera since there was no way I was gonna sleep in these dusty and rusty rooms on my first day in campus
I expected something glamorous,immaculate and beautiful going by the hype associated with The University Of Nairobi(stress the),The African Harvard.From the bush where I come from-where people still search for Network on top of trees to make a phone call,where K.P.L.C does not even know exist,where toddlers have car phobia(they run for dear life every time they spot a car),a place I am not even sure exist in Google maps-the mere mention that you are a student at The University Of Nairobi is enough to earn you a Kazi Kwa Vijana job or becoming the village dictionary and translating all the eulogies.Truth is finding a graduate in our village is like searching for Alshabaab in Homabay district-a rare occurrence.
It is due to this glamour accompanied by subconscious supremacy that i expected UoN to be”out of this world”.My expectations were dashed to the ground and my ego left beaten,bruised,bleeding,tattered,worn out and in I.C.U.Chiromo was ”at least” since it reminded me so much of home due to the numerous trees,bushes and hedges.It is practically located in a forest with a river,defiant monkeys and impertinent Marabou storks to complete the package.What i found ironical was that I came to civilisation expecting nothing but endless lanes of giant buildings and marvels of architecture towering above endless fleet of vehicles and people.
I did not in my wildest dreams imagine I would come into contact with nature in the similar way I have been coexisting with it all my life in a place where civilisation is an alien lingo as it seems the missionaries skipped this place or found no value in it.You see,in Piny Ojoga,Hippos mating on peoples shamba or hyenas attacking livestock in a pen at the dead of the night is not a rare occurrence.Exit Piny Ojoga,Enter Chiromo and I am hit by a sense of Deja vu since once again I am confronted by the blank stares of monkeys and the rhythmic chirping of birds synchronised by the inconsistent buzz of insects.
After all the hassles of locating a prototype mattress(it was as thin as a slice of bread and had no mattress cover),we left with mom headed for Kibera.A glance at my chronometer gadget revealed that it was half past seven.I could not believe i had spent the entire day trying to seek admission at the university.So much for my first day in campus.
NAIROBI BOUND:THE CHRONICLE BEGINS
| A Matatu termini |
1 sack of bananas(check),2kg of omena(check),6kg of maize flour(check).The long awaited journey was finally here and as i scanned through my shopping list,I could not help but wonder why mum had to make me carry all these foodstuffs to Nairobi.She continuosly stressed that food was expensive and that i had to go and start cooking right away immediately i settled in campus.As far as she was concerned,the helb loan was more than enought for me and she even went ahead to suggest that I should pay for my younger sister school fees.
I tactfully escaped this weired suggestion by lying that we had to commute to class daily(sorry mum for lying to you)and that I also had my personal expenses.She bought this idea but not after stressing that I was not to get any pocket money reason being that I might be”scared” by the money(c’mon mum its not like you were going to give me fifty thousandas my pocket money)and end up indulging in drinking.
Come the D-day mum sat me down and gave me a long and uncormfotable lecture about university ladies and urged me not to engage in any mindless behaviour.She kept on lamenting about sex and I was tempted to escape from her lecture since sh described the female anatomy in a peculiar way.I would rather have this talk with any male species but surely not her(besides I have learnt about HIV/AIDS since class four when I was so naive and was not even sexually active).My mum being a commanding freak she had her way and I sat through the grilling session cum lecture for what seemed like eternity.
So dear Mama here is my promise to you:
1.I shall not befriend any female species and as you said,I would run for dear life and avoid them like a plague.
2.I shall not engange in binge(Yokozuna)drinking,chain smoking or anything that might interfere with the normal functioning of my Medula oblangata or might affect my normal normal vision.
3.I shall always attend church and never shall i miss any activity in the church.I shall also join the church choir and be an active member.
4.I shall watch my spending and spend a maximum of Kshs.30 a day or as you put it,an extravagant sum of Kshs.50 should be maximum
5.I shall never call to inform you that I am broke because as you put it,you dont want any stress because you are frail and old age doesnt make it better.
6.I shall conduct myself like a true christian and set an example to my peers.
MARVELOUS MAVERICK 